One Is the Lonliest Number

Day 1, Month 1, Year '11: Feeling chewed up, spit out, and just a tad damp still.

Oh how these last few weeks have blurred into one of those quiet nightmares. Not horrifying, only eerie and strange, indelible. The knot in your chest keeps swelling up, even after getting home from that fun party or just as that uplifting conversation fades away...it sucks you dry emotionally and physically and leaves you wondering how you were ever motivated to do anything productive. And, can you really do it all? Or, did you ever? Those blasted hormones are powerful stuff.

Thoughts on Christmas:

I didn't have a choice but to simplify this year. It was as stressful as ever, but it feels nice not to have over-done it (it's all relative I guess). The fever of commercialism in December just about does me in every year: I hate it. Even still, I will be doing this next year and forever to make sure we think hard and long about the people we are giving to and not fill our lives with added junk. After all, I have a hard enough time staying on top of all the crap I have to filter through on a daily basis; most of it clearly my problem. I'm working on it. Not sure it's conquerable, but trust me, I'm trying. Needless to say that awful tree was thrown out on my lawn and every last bit of Christmas Crap was put away by December 25th at midnight.

All things considered, we did some fun "adventy-type" stuff this past month: made & decorated the most scrumptious gingerbread men and ate them 'till we were sick, visited the temple square lights, took many-a-drives searching for homes with synchronized lights like this and were rightly entertained, finished some Christmas crafts on my list (I'll post about them if I feel up to it), made gingerbread houses at Grammy's house, strung cranberries and popcorn and cut out paper snowflakes, made & ate comfort food as well as drank hot chocolate and my sissy's tea at any excuse, went out to the movies together as a family, had some family and friends get-togethers, attempted those rockin' holiday piano duets (not so rockin' on my part),  spent several hours each day outfitting the boys to watch (ahem) them build a snow man and get soaked/freezing in 2.5 minutes, sent them all off to play up the canyon with sleds, snowboards and ice fishing poles, hosted and planned our ward's Christmas Party, tolerated carolers, watched a bazillion Christmas movies, made pies & stuffing & salads and watched Rod brine and roast his first turkey (albiet a week or so late) and so on... good times. Kids sure make holidays 200% more complicated fun, even when you feel like shiz.

The not-so-good times included a 3am trip to the ER (Merry Christmas and enjoy your $150 tip!!) after going unconscious from blood-loss, having a 7-day pounding headache accompanied by the palest face known to humanhood, getting the grumps-like-no-bodies-business (obviously not gone), getting majorly bored (I'm never bored!) with cabin fever during our normally-favorite-week-of-the-year before New Years and staying/getting in bed long past it being appropriate for a mother of 3, and sobbing out of control when given a ridiculously easy calling like being in the nursery. Oh how I wanted to punch someone (and then I wanted to delete my facebook status)...now I'm just glad that my anti-social, in-need-of-an-attitude-adjustment self can be left alone in my two-hour Sabbath Day Prison F O R E V E R.
See? I told you I need a kick in the pants.

To be honest, I may be laying low for a bit (or you may want to take that advice around me lest your head be bitten off), but I'm feeling some revenge bubbling in my bones. I'm feeling change around the corner like I've never felt it before. I'm gonna be better than I was in 2010. I'm gonna be smarter (with my time), kinder, cleaner, faster, more patient, more in control...different. My house is gonna get a scrubbing and a re-doing until it's unrecognizable. My bad habits are gonna get their own kick in the pants. My body is going to heal-up and get stronger, more efficient, more in-control than ever. My cobwebs are going to be vacuumed until my vision sparkles. I'm ready to scrub until my fingers bleed, if necessary. I will be searching for peace and stillness. I'm not exactly sure how yet, though I've got some ideas, but by 2012 I'm gonna be a better me. Somethin's gotta give and I'm gonna find it/ beat it/do it!

And you better believe I take my resolutions seriously.

If not...my poor little family is screwed.



[Ahem]
Anyone up for some recap pictures?

A valiant attempt at "A Night in Bethlehem".

Martha is Queen in my [baking] world. Recipe here.

Icing: butter, powdered sugar, vanilla bean paste, cream. Amen.

 He forgot to take out the heart and gizzards before cooking it, so I won't go near it.

But...good job babe!

Believe it or not, most projects (that were purchased second-hand for pennies on the dollar) got painted, sanded, wrapped, and completed by Mr. & Mrs. Clause the Eve by 2 a.m. Not sure how it all happened to be honest...I do believe I was running a temp of  200 degrees that night.

What's a better parenting moment than Christmas morning with squealing children?!

 Proof of the Woof.

Valerie Jean gets blessed, but I'm a little obsessed with my own daughter in her perfect Navy Dress at the moment...

Thank goodness for the energy Coop shares with those boys!

I only like snow when I'm cross-country skiing in wild country (already warmed up, of course).

P.S. I owe about a million of you and others a sincere Thank You. You've taught me how to buoy those in need and I wish I could show you my appreciation for the lesson and for the buoying. Y'all are the best.

P.P.S. That doesn't mean I'm ready to answer my phone/return emails/listen to messages. Nor will I likely ever be. Ta ta!