Well hello 2013

I have a very strong feeling that 2013 is going to be the game-changer year. We have already been blasted with blessings that have filled our cup until it runneth over. Things have very suddenly become busier than ever for me, but the energy it has given me makes it all worth it and more.

Amidst all the recent busyness, Rod allowed me to leave the girls at home to go have lunch with the boys at school today. Why have I never done this before? (Well, I guess unemployment does have some benefits). It was such an amazing window into the life I am not witnessing when my boys go away to school all day. I entered the lunch room to mingle with hundreds of 1st and 2nd graders and left feeling so appreciative for all those energetic little bodies and capable little minds. They were so cute and so full of light. I wanted to squeeze every single one (especially the ones who looked lonely) and tell them what a bright spot they were in the world.

Milo might have as well been king because kids never ceased to bring him treats or tell him secrets as they look on for approval, beg to sit next to him and offer him their number for play dates. I don't think he has even a clue how many look to him as a leader, but truly he was born to get others' attention. He never stops talking and is always comparing the outside world to the inside world of science he is so curious about. His desire to do the right thing dominates many of his choices of late, and I've noticed a huge soft spot for me, to which I hope I never EVER take for granted while it lasts. How many years do I have of his tight hugs and spontaneously offered kisses? He is so young and so old at the same time. This makes my heart flip when I see him from afar.

Elliot was on the other end of the spectrum. Not a lonely child but quietly connected with the cutest group of little boys you ever saw. He is not a man of many words and does not put much effort into reaching out but he is kind and sensitive and enjoys boy conversations and funny tricks like any other boy would. Occasionly he gets brave enough to show his tough wild side. Everyone talks louder than him and he doesn't seem to mind, but I think he wishes he knew how to join groups that haven't discovered his offerings yet. He still begs to be tucked in every night and is scared of the dark. And unfortunately that kids' fluterring eyelashes and big sparkly eyes can make me do anything he asks, even if he's been a stink. The soft spot I have for him is as tender as his own heart and he is ALWAYS the first one to help his sibling when they are sad and wants to give away anything he has ever own if he senses a need. That kid. Oh I love that kid.

Flora is in a league of her own. I remember so clearly the feeling of every dream of mine coming true when she was born and she has not let us down... nor let us breathe a single breath of our own since that day. She dominates every scene, every demand, every moment of my life unless she's sleeping (which is why she is still requred a full two-hour daily nap). She drives us all batty with her demands, which is why she is nick-named our Little Wedge--no one can get a hug, read a book, eat a snack, or have a private moment without her squeezing her self in the middle and demaning a piece of whatever we have or are doing. Although, she loves doing dishes, coloring, cooking, cleaning and pretty much anything the boys never really like to do. It's amazing how different they come into this world and she is a bright spot in all of our days with her smile and spunk. I can't live with her and I can't live without her--it's a good situation.

Juniper. Oh, Juni. I could write a sonnet every day for the rest of my life and never touch the tip of the iceberg of my love (obsession really) for that baby. If ever I have a spare moment, I relish in the time I get to spend playing with her. I could waste hours trying to get her to laugh and smile, which is not all that difficult. She is happy. She is fat. She is easy to please. She naps awesome. She hates getting her diaper changed, which after four babies, it's cuter than it is annoying. She bites me when I nurse her and laughs, and then after I cry I laugh too. She is so fat she can't crawl beyond a snails pace. She eats anything and everything. She loves to burry her face in my body. Can you say favorite child? She is happiness and pure joy rolled in a coating a bliss and sprinkled with so much sweetness I could chew on her forever. How's that for sappy? I figure if she's my last baby, I am allowed to love her guts harder than is healthy. That's my job and I know all too well the Wonder Years are numbered and fading WAY too fast.

Rod is dilligently looking for a job and come the first of February it will have been four months that we have somehow survived without stable income. The only way I can describe our existence is by miracles and more miracles. We have been lifted, supported, inpsired and encouraged by loving family and friends and this is how we have recognized the hand of God in our lives. This opportunity to feel love and grattitude at the degree we consistently do for others these last few months, is not only humbling but incredibly rewarding. It has given us experiences that we will benefit from for the rest of our lives and hopefully go on to pass that flame when we are able. I know there are more miracles waiting for us and I hope we can do them justice. I am learning to praise God in the form of being an instrument to serve, as others have done for us.

Don't Blink, Just Breathe

It's 3:58 am. Juni wakes to nurse. She's fed and back to sleep so I get dressed to head to the gym. Elliot calls. He's having bad dreams. I sing him back to sleep. Flora then wakes and asks to "lay with her a minute."

It's 5:06 am. I should be running. I want to write, to sew, to draft, to paint, to sketch, to carve, to embroider, to photograph, to knit, to clean, to organize, to reflect... I want to record. Here I am.

................

 

 Yesterday, like almost every day, I tried to find one minute to escape and finish a small project I have been meaning to get to for months. It didn’t happen. Rod is looking for work again, so he is home and about his searching duties tucked away in the spare room. The day starts early (see above) and leaves little breathing room. After squeezing in a shower between Juni whining for her breakfast and getting the boys up and out the door for school, Flora is demanding attention and prompt service at every moment with her array of methods. Most of which drive me absolutely batty. By ten, Juniper is back down for her morning nap, the boys have left on their bikes to school with lunches and homework safely on their winterized backs, Flora is satisfied with a half-eaten breakfast and changing into her fifth outfit of the morning and I am finally eating my cold breakfast. (Ok, so the truth is probably that I spend the next half hour making something really tasty and worth the wait...then gorge myself on it).

 

 

 While Juni naps, and I am fueled from a late breakfast, the house is quiet and I try my best to give Flora my undivided attention. I know this time is crucial to her day, which in turn is more than crucial to mine. Instead, the picture books that once looked so luring are now lulling me to sleep and it doesn't seem I'll last one more minute without being able to just close my eyes for a few consecutive minutes. Flora won't have it. She also still does not watch an ounce of....anything. Ever. So a show or movie is out of the question. She is hungry for lunch now and we head back up to the kitchen. She is distracted as easily as her mother and we spend the next hour popping between rooms either coloring or cleaning or doing nothing particularly productive until Juni wakes up. Meal time is always a production, lunch the least but no exception.

 

Chances are (as they usually are), the minute I get Flora down for her nap after lunch and breathe a huge sigh of emotional relief, Juni wakes up from her second nap and needs food and later a bath. Now that she's eating solids, she is always needing that bath. And who could deny this girl anything, especially when it’s something that makes her so giddy and silly? It's ridiculously irresistible. The thing is, the stage she is in right now could last forever and I would never tire of it. In fact, I do find myself playing with her for hours on end when other responsibilities are practically falling over and burying me alive. I don’t care. I am 200% aware of the corner that will turn in less than six months and she will not be a baby anymore. So we play and chat and discover new tricks and waste the afternoon away together until Flora is up again and we can play together. They never cease to keep such open-ended time busy. I am happy to be there with them both. But I am also pulled. Always pulled in even the happiest moment of the things I am not doing, or should be doing, or wondering if I’ll ever get to. Obviously we all have to learn to ignore that pull when we know the timing isn’t right, but sometimes I get sick of it spoiling the good moments and sometimes I am confused as to whether enough is enough and I should accomplish at least one thing today! I don’t know how to not feel lazy when I decide just sitting with my children and doing nothing is the best (or easiest?) thing to do but neglecting them to do housework (or anything productive!) never works out in anyone’s favor anyways. That much I know.

 

When the boys arrive home from school, it’s a mad dash to start/finish homework, provide snacks to kitchen vultures, keep Flora at bay with some project or promise of attention (later! Always later!), not get distracted by Juni’s adorable chubby playfulness, and figure out what to cook for dinner and where to prepare it in the kitchen that I swear we just cleaned but looks like it hasn’t been touched by an adult in days. Multi-tasking at it's finest for two daily hours of insanity. Dinner is a never-ending battle between who gets to sit by dad (I’m the unpopular one…it’s no wonder why), and who gets to say the prayer, and just sit down!, and just eat!, and spills and messes, and whines, and….pure craziness.

 Dinner is promptly followed by even more craziness. There are tears shed from the XXL shirt that I made the boys wear together until they decided to get-along that ended in the destruction of the weaker link (Elliot this time). There are major tears shed from refusing them dessert when they threw a fit for only deserving a half-portion and spilled their siblings hot chocolate all over the floor. By seven O’ clock everyone is crying at the injustice of it all and I am still searching for that moment around the corner that all will be calm and I can sneak away to do something that will satisfy my need to feel like a real person (or in reality wondering how many parental mistakes I just made that is scarring my children for good). Instead I am probably eating my emotions away and stuffing my face with anything I can find that will take me away from the tension. Or there is always my alternative vice of ping-ponging between Facebook and Instagram to transport me into a different world—a world that even occasionally validates my efforts even though I know it’s only a façade. My jolt back to reality is usually Flora who needs this or that (wipe me! I can’t zip my jammies! I need water! You said you would read this to me! I want the other blankie!) or Juni that we forgot to feed a solid meal to and I am warming some goulash up in the microwave while the boys run wild/wrestle/fight.

 Bedtime is in the works and I’m nursing the baby and probably bathing her again too when all the kids decide a bath would be the perfect thing to warm their bodies in a house that is getting colder by the minute/day. After a questioning glance from Rod, we concede and in less than a moment all four of our children are squealing with happiness in a 2x4’ space. Just when I want to give into the drama of a life filled with more demands than I can possibly satisfy and more contention/mistakes than I’d like to admit, a moment like this can wipe my slate clean again. It amazes me every time when and how these moments come and how fleeting they are (and rare!) but how they energize me until the next one pops up! I suppose if we knew the formula to make them happen all the time, they wouldn’t feel so novel.

 

The fun is over. Juni is wild and splashing and riling up the kids so that whines and teases and complains start leaking out of every cranny. We quickly remove her and all hell breaks loose…again. I threaten to forego our nightly novel-time if the three rascals aren’t out of the bathtub and PJ’s aren’t on and teeth aren’t brushed within the minute, but what they don’t know is that I’ll do anything to have that time with them. Selfishly I think it will make up for all the bad-mood mommy moments (plus I want to know what happens next too!) so it usually happens only a lot later than I wanted it to and by the time I am finished with the chapter book, it is way past both their bedtime and mine. I slip the baby in bed while Rod finishes with scriptures (and usually falls asleep with whoever begged the longest/loudest/best) and I escape to my own bed knowing the next day will come all too soon, with just as little time to glance at To-Do lists, but not so sure of how many consecutive sleeping hours the children will be allowing that night. It’s here that I re-evaluate the day and ask myself what I could have possibly done different to create more order, less contention, more space, less rush. How could I have really appreciated the moments that happened instead of dreaming the day away for something that doesn’t seem possible in this stage we are in? Or I just close my eyes and relish the two minutes I have to my own mind and body before they sink into the world where they are unconsciously recharged and are once again promptly needed by someone else.

…….

It’s 6:25 am. I have missed my sprint-work on the treadmill and my yoga class is half over, to be finished without me. The children will all be stirring within the hour and there are a million things to do and wanting to be done. Instead, I am here.

 

 

Now I remember why the sacrifice was always worth it. Blogging kills many birds with one stone. It's good to be back.

 

A Saturday Afternoon Guilty Pleasure

A nap with my baby girls.

She Sings 2

She Sings

Picture Perfect

 Geez, you guys. We make some cute kids!

 Milo, 7yrs old- 1st Grade

Elliot, 5yrs old- Kindergarten

 Flora, 2 yrs old

Three sets of blue eyes--three killer smiles--three really, really great personalities. Score.

Master of Two.

Oh Flora. God sure did smush a whole lot of good/funny/cute/silly/adorable/clever/beautiful things in you. And for now? they are miiiiiiine. Please don't remind me that one day they will belong to someone else...it seems so far away but I'm sure it will feel like tomorrow with how things are growing going around here.

Happy Birthday, you little ham and cheese ball!

Do you blame me for not being able to whittle down the selection?

Tweedle Dum

These corners of my home are making me happy today despite the truckload of laundry spilling from my ears and the wintry weather outside. Oh, and my kids are pretty fabulous for mood-lifting too.

 

* 4x4' chalkboard made from pre-painted trim ($10) and under-layment($6) primed then sprayed with chalkboard paint ($3)*

The $3 Maxi Dress

 

{photo source}

I've been consciously avoiding Walmart's fabric section for a few months now only to find it has gone considerably downhill in its selection...which is fine  because my obsession with cute $1-2/yard fabric-hording may or may not have been getting out of hand and simplifying has been a high priority as of late. But I have been thinking about the 35 yards (give or take, sheesh!) of $1/yard jersey knit fabric of various shades collected on bolts hanging around in my fabric closet for a while now. Who doesn't love that stuff and at that price? OK, so it's a little cheap in quality but I'm totally OK with a $0.50 shirt only lasting one season. After falling off my chair when I clicked to this inspiring piece of perfection I decided it was high time to get off my can and make a few comfy dresses with some serious flow (I'd choose that for a wedding dress if I were you).

Did you know that dresses are my favorite item of clothing? Hands down: THE BEST. Not skirts, not pants, not husband T-shirts, not stretchy pants or sweats--dresses. For the generously pear-figured woman, dresses are the most comfortable and most flattering option out there. Plus they come in every mood, occasion and style you could possibly dream of. If I had more, I'd never wear jeans again (skinny jeans and pencil thigh sailor pants are only those of dreams in my case). Dresses are always on my "to-sew" list but they often get a kick to the back seat because they take a little more time than the single nap-hour project. So did you know? the long-look is back! and I've officially decided I could live in maxi dresses year-round until my calves need to come up for air in July.

Enter: The $3 Maxi Dress

I cut out a pattern on wrapping paper using a well-fitted stretchy knit dress (that was originally a tailored XXL from D.I.) for a guide. The pattern was quite simple, consisting of front and back panel, sleeve, waist band and front/back skirt pieces. I finished off the neckline with a simple fold over and added a few ruffle lines on top (which sort of makes it look clownish...oh well). The jersey knit is so easy to sew with and hides some sloppiness when needed. Plus, there is nothing more comfortable! Considering I am still 15 pounds heavier than I was last fall, I feel like this basic dress hides everything I need it to and still makes me feel ultra feminine without feeling formal. Not to mention, I rarely succeed the first time when concocting my own pattern--oh sweet success! Less time, means more projects!

The whole thing, including making the pattern took me about 3 hours. I'm betting the next few will be considerably less time and with the yardage I have left, I could easily pump my dress count up by a dozen.

I suppose this doesn't help to simplify my life (or my closet space).
Expecting a considerable {sigh} from Rod right about now.

P.S. I refashioned a cute maternity shirt that I was thoroughly sick of after three babies into a new dress for Flo while I was on a roll yesterday (enter another sigh from Rod for Saturday mom-neglect). She looked mighty cute in her sparkly leggings, salmon-colored toesies and sassy expressions today...if I do say so myself.

How To Peel An Orange

This girl is bursting with personality. Here's how she does bedtime wildness:

Untitled from Jourdan Boynton on Vimeo.

For Now

I have so much to share! Sadly, I also have about 2.3 seconds to myself a day and I've been bombarded with inspiration as of late (and feeling rather anxious about it) which makes my hands itch so badly to create, yet my responsibilities will not allow it...we all know that sob story.

For now, I'll just say Flora is giving us all gray hairs and yet she is still the core of my heart. I don't know how it works that way, but it does. Here is just a little bit of proof that she has blown the baby stage goodbye and is now a full-fledged toddler with an attitude too big for her body (heaven help us):

....how ironic. The Dragon has just awoken and I must give aid...